Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
