yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize