its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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