Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
