True but thats because hes a fetus.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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