Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
