I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's just like the Real World with babies
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
