im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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