I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
