I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
