party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
