she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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