i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
