I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Are we still banned from the library?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
