Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize