he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
