My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
