So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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