no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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