Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize