Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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