seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
