He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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