You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
We are two peas in an std pod
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
