so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
