And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
