I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
