Joe is yelling at the trees again.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
