How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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