So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
