Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
