also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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