Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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