saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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