On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
