i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just threw up on my dentist
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
