He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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