i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize