no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
