I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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