she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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