Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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