My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
