My hand turned me down
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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