Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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