Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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