Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
