Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
