I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
