I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize