I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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