I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
