just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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