Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't think brook has ever known best
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
