oh god the rape fog is back!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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