i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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