please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
