good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
