I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
