My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
