My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
