Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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