yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
