Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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