Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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