what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
