Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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