I puked a lego.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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