my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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