woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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