are you so shy because you have an std?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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