i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
