my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's the barista slut.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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