if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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