Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize