Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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